Dear Maurice

Dear Maurice,                                                                                      February 2, 2016

Today was a good day.

My clothes are getting looser. In fact I put on my favorite blouse and it went on so easily I know if I keep at this I won’t be able to wear it for much longer.

My blood sugar was closer to normal than it has been this whole time. At least since my diagnosis. It was 128. Superb.

And I got some exciting news. I started working on a new documentary. Letters to Daniel: No More Stigma. I have my first interview with Summer Dickerson to talk to her about her battle with bipolar disorder and PTSD and how she copes with people’s reaction to her. I do that next Monday.

I am sitting on some really exciting news that I’m not at liberty to share just yet. But I can share this, my documentary #YesAllWomen got selected to screen at Imaginarium and the Fantasmagorical Film Festival in conjunction with Fandom Fest. My hope is to run, well, walk the 5k they’re doing the same week leading up to the convention.

I miss the road races. It’s the one place where sporting wise I really feel like I’m competing just with myself. Artistically when I write I don’t really do it for the money. Money is nice, don’t get me wrong. But if I did it for the money I’d be out of luck.

I’m about to start a new adventure in my career with a new team. Can’t say who or what exactly which makes me ready to burst at the seams. I am absolutely psyched for this. Sad at the choice I had to make. But I thought long and hard on this and came to the conclusion that business wise it was the best decision I could make. Personally I adored the other person. I still do as a matter of fact. That will probably never change.

But until the ink is dry on some papers I can’t announce anything yet. Which makes eating to it so hard. I could numb the anxiety that comes with the joy of anticipation. But I can’t. Just believe me when I tell you it’s very exciting and when it’s official you will be the first to know.

As far as exercise goes I managed my second day of 30 laps.  Which I’m completely psyched about.

I ate healthily today too. So I’m feeling good about that to.

My mood is somewhat more stable with these changes. I love the fact I’m back in therapy after a too long of a spell. Certainly glad to be doing what I’m doing. I’m writing my first action script called Crimson & Gold. It’s a feature that I hope to get in front of the right people. I know I have talent when it comes to writing. It’s my creative sweet spot.

I have a feeling doing this next adventure will pay for me to continue to do my true passion which is writing and the documentaries. Right now I’m not into the books but the screenplays and non-fiction and the One Woman Show I am writing.

Maurice, I know you’re not reading this and that perhaps weight and body image isn’t your cross to bear. But you have no idea how much your work and activism has inspired me in my own life. I think when I make the announcement I’m just dying to spill you’ll see just how much.

I have a strong support network. Friends and family who love me and know what I have to do to stay stable. Learning to write without snacking with chips and sugary sweets and regular soda is a lesson of balance. And staying balanced is the key. Choosing to be happy is key. But for us knowing where that line of happy is drawn between acceptable and off the chain mania can be hard to be seen sometimes. Eating right and exercising makes me happy in a way most people don’t understand. I get real pleasure when walking in Iroquois Park. A lot people hate the act of exercise and think accepting medical help for a chronic disease means you are weak willed and should never ask for help. To pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.

But what happens when something in you prevents you from being able to do that? I’ve been diagnosed with two chronic diseases. One which, unchecked has the potential to be fatal. The other even with perfect behavior I will die from the complications it brings. I am not, nor have I been weak willed. But I did need help and until I faced the fact I did nothing was going to change. In my darkest hour, at my most bottomed out moment I reached out and asked for help and now I am ready to take off.

The world has truly become my oyster.

Sincerely,

Amy McCorkle